


Our Life Now

by SmackTheDevil



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drinking & Talking, Episode: s11e06 Our Little World, Ficlet, Implied Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, M/M, Reminiscing, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:19:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5223086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmackTheDevil/pseuds/SmackTheDevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a brief ficlet - Sam attempts to broach THAT subject again..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Life Now

"Cas still watching Homeland?" Sam looked up as his brother carried in two glasses and a bottle of Bourbon.   
"Nah. He's asleep." Dean set the glasses down, sliding one across the table toward his brother. He sat down with a bump, a tired bump. Really, it was a bed he should be falling into but he was too tired to sleep.   
"Ah." Sam half-smiled. "He does that a lot these days."  
"Our very own Rip Van Winkle."   
"Yeah." A soft chuckle escaped from Sams' mouth. Tired too. But then he couldn't remember the last time he felt fully awake. Alert yes. But awake? The last time it happened was a lifetime ago.   
Dean tapped his now half full glass against his brothers, still set on the table, untouched.   
"I hate drinking alone," Dean muttered.   
"Never stops you."  
"Ain't that the truth." 

They were sitting together like they had dozens of times. Poised to converse. Reminisce. Share. No. Not sharing. They never shared. Not at least until it was too late.   
"It's never going to end is it? Not like we'd want it to." Sam sat bolt upright, back straight.   
"Nah. What would happen if it did? It would be the end of the world. Or the end of us. It's one of the two. I've made my peace with that, Sammy."  
Sam nodded and smiled weakly.   
"What I said. The other week about wanting to find someone. I guess I've been thinking about it."  
"Waste of time." Dean emptied his glass, pausing to pour himself another.   
"Is it?"  
"A hunter? Trying to find another hunter to share a normal life with? That ain't gonna happen unless there's a Tinder specifically for hunters.”  
“Tinder?” Sams' mouth curled slightly in amusement.  
“Hey, I know apps. But, listen, you may not have that 'special someone.' Pipers, however, there'll always be plenty of Pipers."  
"Yeah. And that, that was great. I needed it. But-" Sam trailed off. The point of this conversation running away with him. "-it was sex. Amazing sex."  
"Okay, spare me the details."  
Sam rolled his eyes.   
“But that was it. No connection. Number or no number. If I called her, it would just be more sex."  
Dean looked at his brother. He could see no downside to Sams statement.   
"With Lisa. There was that connection, right?"  
"I guess."   
"That. Just that." Sam caved and sipped at his drink.   
"Yeah. I get it. I really do. And Sammy, it was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. Walk away from her. And the kid but think about it. I still did it. I still walked away. And you can argue with me that it hurt and it was a tough choice, but I still walked away. Wouldn't it have been a braver choice to stay?"  
"Are you saying you're a coward?" Sam raised his eyebrows slowly. Self-deprecation wasn't one of his brothers strong points.   
"What do you think I'm saying?"  
Sam knew this.   
"I think you're saying you wanted to protect them. Both of them. You said it at the time. She let you go? It was a fancy permission slip, Dean. And that is the whole point of this conversation. We only have one person in our lives that we have that connection with." Sam smiled. "Us."   
It was getting deep and late and Dean was starting to fidget.   
"I feel like you're my shrink."  
"Dean." His brother sighed. "No. Listen when people marry or whatever they have so much with that person. Emotional connection. Sexual."  
"That's a myth."  
"Perhaps. For some people. We do strive for that, though. Don't you see?"   
Dean shook his head, shrugged awkwardly and finally flopped back in his chair.   
"Okay. So we go from place to place and you constantly sleep with strangers."  
"Gee thanks."  
"Well, you do. Dean. And apparently it's something I'm capable of too. And then there is us. It's where we get the connection. Or at least where we think we do."  
Dean opened his mouth. Sam mirrored him, waiting for his brother to speak.   
"Wow, say 'connection' one more time. I think we need sleep. You're looking into it way too deeply, as usual and as you said earlier. We have bigger fish to fry, namely God's freaking sister." Dean laughed softly and shook his head. "It amazes me that I can so easily stay stuff like that seriously. And yet I'm completely sane."  
"Dean."  
"Sam, please. Get some sleep, dude. You look like shit."  
"Yeah. Thanks.”   
“G'night little brother."  
Sam simply nodded back. Watching his older brother swagger off to bed. Twice now and nothing. Sam wasn't about to steam roll in with the truth. He was a Winchester. The truth had to be concealed for as long as possible or never revealed at all. And in this case, that would be impossible. Sam gripped his chest. It ached. He had been thrown against a wall repeatedly, it may have been that. It could be something else. Who knows?  
He heard Deans door close. The bunker now in eerie silence.   
"I love you." He muttered and fell asleep exactly where he sat.


End file.
